𝕓𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕪 𝕓𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕤. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bionicstaringmachine) wrote2024-03-02 10:55 pm
bionicstaringmachine) wrote2024-03-02 10:55 pm
inbox.
overflow (tfln & other text posts) and text/audio/video in general.
overflow (tfln & other text posts) and text/audio/video in general.
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[ She won't even know what rusty feels like because her insecurities have never let anyone get close enough for anything this intimate. Until now.
A part of her thinks she should retreat before this goes any further, before he realizes what a monster she truly is and decide he wants nothing to do with her, before she gets hurt. But her disfigured hand is on his cheek and he hasn't drawn it away. He's smiling like he hasn't smiled before. And he's saying he wants to kiss her again, even after all that? He could be lying, of course, but... he's never lied to her. Why would he start now?
When she feels that spark of courage deep within her, she grabs it and takes the plunge. ]
... so I might need lots of practice.
[ Her fingertips travel lightly down his cheek and across his lips, the touch almost reverent despite the bravado and mischief she'd employed just a moment earlier. Oh, she recognizes just how attractive he is. But that's strangely not what she likes most about him. ]
You can kiss me anytime you want. You don't have to ask. My answer is always yes.
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But the other part? That part, is grateful that he gets to have this with her. He'll never question how quickly they managed to connect, to find some commonality with each other and build an easy camaraderie that was flirtatious enough to realize they weren't really as platonic as they thought they were being, because despite thinking he doesn't fully deserve this kind of thing and being more of a realist than anything ( he doesn't consider himself a pessimist nor does he hope enough for optimism ), he got her text for some reason. If that doesn't tell him he's got the green light to pursue this, he doesn't know what does. ]
Didn't feel like you needed practice to me, but I'm willing to put in the work for the cause. [ There's a slight pull to his lips in a smirk, but she'll feel that more than see it because of her fingertips moving against his lips. He's trying for his own bravado now, but it stalls a little when she tells him he doesn't have to ask. He's looking down for a moment, sucking in a breath slowly as the hand that was cradling the back of her head now slips down a bit to rest on the back of her neck. Fingers are splayed there, his thumb coming up to rest in that spot just before her ear, right along her jaw. He's holding her gently with his vibranium hand, angling her face in a way that will ensure she looks at him once he brings his gaze back up. ] Yeah, about that -
[ She was so worried about what he'd feel beneath her glamour, how that would make him feel about her, knowing what was there underneath that illusion but his worry was how he'd been a literal monster at one point - being a mindless assassin is monstrous, killing in the name of those who pulled their strings like he were their marionette was monstrous - and having to explain that to her about why it was so important that he was respectful of her boundaries and her own consent as well. ]
I ask, 'cause I know what it's like when people don't ask. Or don't care. Or make you do things that you normally wouldn't wanna do. Not having control of your body, it ain't fun and it's worse when you don't have a choice. I'm always gonna give you a choice.
no subject
But he's still holding her close — keeping her close, even — and she realizes that he's trying to say something. So she waits. It's not like this is the first time this has happened, when silence comes between them as he (or she) thinks about what he wants to say, though this feels more important than the other instances because of the kiss. Still, the insecurities persist with their treacherous whispers. Don't take it seriously. He doesn't really like you like that. You know nothing about the world. Or what it's like to fight in a war. You're just a curiosity. What can you even give him?
What he says, however, only draw her closer to him. He would know what that's like, wouldn't he? How awful. Now she wants to wrap her arms around him and hold him close and keep him safe, somehow, but he was just talking about choice and consent and control, so she doesn't. ]
I'm sorry. If I ever make you feel like you don't have a choice, I'm sorry for that too. [ She just squeezes his hand again; they're still holding hands, so it's safe and not overstepping his boundaries right? But it's a blanket apology in case she missteps. This is all so new. ] And thank you. For always being so kind to me. For... sharing all this with me. [ The kiss, his feelings, his past. She's going to treasure them all. ] You didn't have to. But I'm glad you did.
[ Then she smiles, soft and shy and almost sheepish. ] Is it okay if we kiss again? Or we can just eat and I'll tell you my secrets...
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[ It's not really a warning off, because he doesn't want her to go. Even if there's just that barest notion within him to push her away, to tell her she deserves better than him, because it's hard for him to really let people in and trust but - he's not doing that. Because while they're talking about choice here, it's her choice to have come here to him, knowing what they might talk about, what might happen.
So he's not gonna turn tail, try to send her off in some dramatic effort to keep himself safe because he doesn't think she's looking to stab him when he least expects it. And something tells him she's not gonna decide one day she's gonna up and leave, either.
Yeah, his self worth might be wrapped up in some other issues in there too, but he's not looking to unload all of 'em right now. He just wants her to understand this one important thing, so she isn't left wondering why he might be a little slow about things, because he wants to do it right by her.
There's a beat, after her question that while he made it clear that he wanted some kind of consent from her before he kissed her, the only confirmation that she has that it's okay they kiss again, is his lips on hers after her mention of secrets.
He wants to know anything about her she's willing to tell him - just like he'll tell her whatever she wants to know, even if it might take a bit to get there - but there's a boldness that wasn't there before. He's determined to make this kiss better than the first, but he's also not trying to toe the line into anything that they might not be ready for. The boldness is to show he does want her, he's not just sweet talking her because he doesn't have anything better to do, but then he's gentle, showing a regard for her that makes it clear he's working through this just as much as she is.
It's only in that space between kisses that he murmurs against her lips: ]
You've got a spell, right? The food and secrets can wait a little bit.