bionicstaringmachine

[ from here ]

What, you're tellin' me you like me for my personality?

[ More teasing. He has to, to be able to let the conversation they're really having to settle there for a moment in the background so he can deal with the battle of wills going on inside of him. The part of him that doesn't want to kill versus the part of him that wants Hydra to be gone completely. It's not just for him, it's for Steve, it's for what Hydra took from them and others. He wants to hit 'em once for him and then another for Steve and then keep going until there's nothing left. Of them, assuredly. Of him, maybe. ]

Yeah, I do. I'm not gonna let anyone else do this but me. And if we try to save some, we end up letting SHIELD know who you really are. Peggy and Howard can only do so much, they've got other people involved now. [ Because they're getting old now, the old guard is crossing soon and that means others involved they don't have the same history with. ] And I don't wanna owe them too many favors.

Nah. I'm just here for the sex.

[ Teasing, but it's also not entirely untrue.

She gets it all — his internal struggle, his desire to take Hydra down, his concerns about her, not wanting to owe people favors. She hates the thought of not fighting by his side, especially after having done that for so long, but she also understands why he insists upon it. (Or so she thinks, anyway.) ]

Then it sounds like we have a plan.

[ He might be going at it "alone" but it's still a we thing. ]

What else do you need?

Now making up for all the time apart makes sense.

[ 'Time apart' is putting it lightly. There was the lack of time alone together during the war effort - he couldn't clear out a tent or get them put on the same mission too often, then he was captured by Hydra and became the Winter Soldier - it took time for her to find him and then once she did, it hadn't been a quick process where he felt at ease with himself enough. ]

You. I don't know how this is gonna play out and how I'm gonna feel about myself after, but knowing you're there after will help.

[ While the fear of the Winter Soldier resurfacing is always going to be there, it's not the forefront of his mind when he says that. He needs her there because he knows that no matter what he chooses, he's probably gonna need her to help put himself back together after and he feels something, almost like a twist in his gut at how unfair that is to her, but she's always managed to put those pieces back in a way that it won't immediately splinter again when it's touched. ]

You're only just figuring that out? I thought that was why you stuck around.

[ Still teasing, but there's a lot of truth in that too. Sometimes the mind forgets, but the body remembers. She knows that better than anyone. ]

I'm not going anywhere. [ Though she'll be ready to go after him in case things get dicey or the plan doesn't work out. She's never without a plan B, even if he insists on doing certain parts of the plan alone. ] Do you want me to bunker down in one of our safehouses? Would that help you focus on the mission?

[ What she doesn't say is: where would she even go? This isn't her world. The Tesseract is safe with SHIELD, which means she doesn't even have a purpose anymore. She could just go sleep for the next hundred or so years and wake when the Tesseract is in peril again.

He's all she has. As unfair as that is to him. ]

Just because my mind was broken doesn't mean by body was, you know.

[ Even if there was a period there where he was afraid of going further than light affection. If things got too heated, he'd pull back and need to put that distance there, because he didn't want to do something he'd end up regretting. While it wasn't like he could really do much to her in the long run, he knew he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself if he hurt her all the same. Now, that's not a worry but he remembers when it was. The difficulty that was there when he couldn't trust his mind enough to allow his body to be close to her. ]

One of the safehouses, but not too far away. I don't wanna have to travel too much to find you after. Keep a bag ready, just in case.

[ It's not because he thinks she'll need to travel alone, it's because he hopes that after this, even with the safehouse, they might need to put a further distance between them and SHIELD even just for a little while. He doesn't know how this will play out and if his actions will align with their way of doing things or not, even with Peggy and Howard there. ]

I know.

At least we don't have to commandeer a tent now.

[ They'd gotten good at staying off the grid, establishing several safehouses and backup plans just in case they get separated. They've thankfully never had to be alone much or for too long, though she knows part of that is because the last time they'd had to go their separate ways, well, she'd nearly died.

She touches her burned cheek at that flicker of phantom pain, but drops her hand quickly and shoves all the other thoughts aside — thoughts of the world she'd left behind and what might still be coming for them. She hasn't told him, but she suspects they'll be back. ]

Yeah, you're gonna need an outlet for that rush of adrenaline. And a bath.

Hey, it worked pretty damn good at the time. I think it was your wards that helped more than anything.

[ It was a simpler time then. But even with everything that's happened since then, he'll take where they're at now. They appreciate what they have more than they did back then - they had practically been kids even if he knew Hel was even older than he'd been at the time - and that's probably why he's so damned determined to keep it.

Because he knows what it's like to have lost it, to gain it back and then fear that he's on the brink of losing it again. ]

Why else do you think I wanna make sure you're away from it but not too far away? I'm gonna need you to help me with both of those.

[ She almost, almost quips that he'll have to come back alive first, but she doesn't want to argue about that again. She'll just have to be ready to jump in if she has to. Hopefully, she won't have to. ]

There's plenty more I can help you with. For one, getting you suited up. Whenever you're ready, Captain.

[ Time might be ticking, but of course she's not letting him leave without a proper sendoff. For luck. And to remind him what he'll be leaving behind if he doesn't come back. ]

[ He's hoping that he can prove that damn track record wrong and actually come back without needing her or anyone else to come in and save his ass. If he can manage that, then he thinks he might be turning their luck around. He knows it's a two way street, the way they worry about each other but he can't help it that he feels like he's given her more than her fair share of it. He might be Captain America, but damn if he didn't want to give her a moment or two where she could breathe easily for a while and not worry about if he's gonna go on a major mission and not make it back again. ]

I dunno, sounds a lot to me like you're not lookin' to get me in the suit. I'm gonna have to give you something to look forward to for when I get back from this, just for that.

Well I first have to get you in it so I can take you out of it, right?

[ Though in actuality it often takes quite a while before they get to that part. They've both almost always needed to decompress after a fight, which mostly involves getting cleaned up and comfortable and just... holding one another. It's usually much later when the playful intimacy comes in. When it feels safe enough. Not just safe from their surroundings, but... safe enough that they can't hurt the other, accidentally or otherwise. ]

Are you, now? You're gonna, what, remove all your weapons before you get back in here so we don't have to keep stopping every five seconds?

You think it counts much for getting me in it if you're trying to take it off right after?

[ It's never so easy - even before he had his Captain America suit - to just get in and out of combat gear because of how heavily armed they are. The both of them. And sometimes it's hit or miss on what the driving need is after a mission, because while it doesn't happen all that often anymore, he can feel haunted after a fight depending on the feelings that it brings up. He's been fighting for as long as he can remember ( with only brief reprieves from it here and there ) and that's something that leaves marks, scars and a trail of blood that isn't easily washed away. ]

Here I thought you liked that 'cause it builds anticipation. I can make sure the bulk of 'em are removed, just to save some time.

No, but we can pretend that it does.

[ What? She'll take any excuse to get him out of anything... or, well, clothes, at least. She'd like to think she's done getting him out of enemy camps and warzones, though she's always ready to suit up herself whenever he's out on a mission. It might not be in her job description, but it's part of their wedding vows somewhere. ]

Well you said you were gonna give me a treat. And I'll be here barely armed, it's not fair that I suffer and you don't.

[ Barely, because of course she's still armed. ]

Guess if I needed incentive to suit up, it's that.

[ He'll take her getting him out of clothes any day. He's hoping the other things she's gotten him out of, that's a thing of the past - if he has anything to say about it. It's not how he wants the situation going and he tries to avoid it each time if he can, but he knows not a lot is within his power. He might have all the serum gave him and an arm that's even stronger than his flesh one, but it doesn't mean he's all-powerful and capable of doing more than what his body will allow. ]

And if I'm making a show of it when I'm getting the weapons and my suit outta the way?

Oh, a show. That is a treat. I'm in. Take all the weapons you like.

[ He's going to be insufferable and infuriating but that's also like, really hot. She's always enjoyed that side of him, though she's only had glimpses and short bursts of it over the years on account of, well, everything that's happened since the Zola mission. They never really came back from that. ]

inbox.

tfln continuation — 04/19/2024 — @sinne.

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