[ A part of him feels bad when it comes to the fact that out of everyone in the world - in the realm, he guesses - she's managed to get him when he thinks she deserves a hell of a lot better than him. It's part when it comes to his own thoughts of his self worth, but also he knows there's a damage to him that's gonna take time. It's not something that he'll snap out of overnight and he hopes that if they do end up having set backs - because he knows despite his programming being gone, he'll always have that underlying fear there's something still there of the Winter Soldier within him, not to mention the fact being who he is can bring attention not just to him but to her as well and he struggles with those things that are wrapped up into his PTSD even if it isn't every day - that she knows it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with him.
But the other part? That part, is grateful that he gets to have this with her. He'll never question how quickly they managed to connect, to find some commonality with each other and build an easy camaraderie that was flirtatious enough to realize they weren't really as platonic as they thought they were being, because despite thinking he doesn't fully deserve this kind of thing and being more of a realist than anything ( he doesn't consider himself a pessimist nor does he hope enough for optimism ), he got her text for some reason. If that doesn't tell him he's got the green light to pursue this, he doesn't know what does. ]
Didn't feel like you needed practice to me, but I'm willing to put in the work for the cause. [ There's a slight pull to his lips in a smirk, but she'll feel that more than see it because of her fingertips moving against his lips. He's trying for his own bravado now, but it stalls a little when she tells him he doesn't have to ask. He's looking down for a moment, sucking in a breath slowly as the hand that was cradling the back of her head now slips down a bit to rest on the back of her neck. Fingers are splayed there, his thumb coming up to rest in that spot just before her ear, right along her jaw. He's holding her gently with his vibranium hand, angling her face in a way that will ensure she looks at him once he brings his gaze back up. ] Yeah, about that -
[ She was so worried about what he'd feel beneath her glamour, how that would make him feel about her, knowing what was there underneath that illusion but his worry was how he'd been a literal monster at one point - being a mindless assassin is monstrous, killing in the name of those who pulled their strings like he were their marionette was monstrous - and having to explain that to her about why it was so important that he was respectful of her boundaries and her own consent as well. ]
I ask, 'cause I know what it's like when people don't ask. Or don't care. Or make you do things that you normally wouldn't wanna do. Not having control of your body, it ain't fun and it's worse when you don't have a choice. I'm always gonna give you a choice.
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But the other part? That part, is grateful that he gets to have this with her. He'll never question how quickly they managed to connect, to find some commonality with each other and build an easy camaraderie that was flirtatious enough to realize they weren't really as platonic as they thought they were being, because despite thinking he doesn't fully deserve this kind of thing and being more of a realist than anything ( he doesn't consider himself a pessimist nor does he hope enough for optimism ), he got her text for some reason. If that doesn't tell him he's got the green light to pursue this, he doesn't know what does. ]
Didn't feel like you needed practice to me, but I'm willing to put in the work for the cause. [ There's a slight pull to his lips in a smirk, but she'll feel that more than see it because of her fingertips moving against his lips. He's trying for his own bravado now, but it stalls a little when she tells him he doesn't have to ask. He's looking down for a moment, sucking in a breath slowly as the hand that was cradling the back of her head now slips down a bit to rest on the back of her neck. Fingers are splayed there, his thumb coming up to rest in that spot just before her ear, right along her jaw. He's holding her gently with his vibranium hand, angling her face in a way that will ensure she looks at him once he brings his gaze back up. ] Yeah, about that -
[ She was so worried about what he'd feel beneath her glamour, how that would make him feel about her, knowing what was there underneath that illusion but his worry was how he'd been a literal monster at one point - being a mindless assassin is monstrous, killing in the name of those who pulled their strings like he were their marionette was monstrous - and having to explain that to her about why it was so important that he was respectful of her boundaries and her own consent as well. ]
I ask, 'cause I know what it's like when people don't ask. Or don't care. Or make you do things that you normally wouldn't wanna do. Not having control of your body, it ain't fun and it's worse when you don't have a choice. I'm always gonna give you a choice.